"ORACLE ON-AIR"
Written By
Raul Fernandez
Draft 3
June 6, 1994
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY
ELIZABETH and JESSICA chat as they walk.
JESSICA
I just can't believe what a jerk
he turned out to be!
ELIZABETH
Really, Jess, you should find a guy
like Todd: Attentive, trustworthy,
loyal--
JESSICA
Ugh. That's not a boyfriend, that's
a Cocker Spaniel.
ELIZABETH
Is not--
A winded TODD races up, rests his hands on his knees.
TODD
(panting)
Here's you're Frisbee back.
(hands it to her)
Mind if I skip lunch? I promised the
guys I'd shoot some hoop.
ELIZABETH
Okay, Mr. Scruffy-face ...
Liz gives Todd a quick peck, musses up his hair. He runs
off excitedly. Jess looks at Liz and the Frisbee.
ELIZABETH
(re: Frisbee)
What? It's not like it's covered in
slobber...
Ahead, Mr. COLLINS hangs a poster which reads "Open
Auditions 4 Oracle News Show." Liz joins him.
ELIZABETH
News Show? What's the scoop, Mr. C?
COLLINS
The school's installing an in-class
video system. As of next week, the
Oracle goes broadcast.
Elizabeth looks excitedly to Jessica.
CUT TO:
INT. CAFETERIA - LUNCH TIME
Elizabeth, Jessica, Enid, Patty, and Lila sit together at
a table. Patty fills in a News Show application.
PATTY
A live, on-campus news show. This is
so cool.
ENID
What are you going to do for your
audition tape, Liz?
ELIZABETH
I'm not sure yet. Something with
substance.
PATTY
Well, you're a lock. Collins loves
everything you do.
ENID
And from there it's just a small step
to local news. Before you know it,
you'll be Elizabeth Wakefield,
world's first teenage Network Anchor.
ELIZABETH
(modestly)
No way...
ENID
Way. Total way.
ELIZABETH
Total way?
ENID
Complete, total way.
PATTY
Well, I'm gonna direct. That's where
the POWER is.
JESSICA
What about me? Would I make a
perfect newscaster or what?
ELIZABETH
Since when are you interested in
journalism?
JESSICA
Journalism? It's TV news. Give me
time and I'll sound as professional
as oh, you know, Barbara Whatsername.
ELIZABETH
Easy Babs. You have to research and
write your own stories.
JESSICA
It's a small price to pay for having
one's face in every classroom every
Wednesday morning.
LILA
Every classroom? ...Maybe I should
try out. I know exactly what to
wear...
ELIZABETH
This is journalism, guys. There's
more to it than just a smart outfit.
LILA
So you think I should wear glasses...
ANGLE-- ANOTHER PART OF THE CAFETERIA
Bruce Patman and his Jock friends eat lunch at a table
bench combination. Bruce finishes emptying a bottle of
Krazy Glue onto the bench.
BRUCE
Watch this ...
(yells)
Yo! Egbert!
ANGLE -- SERVING LINE
At the end of the cafeteria line, Winston Egbert, whips
around, assumes a shaky karate stance.
WINSTON
I'm ready for you, Patman.
(turns around)
No matter what you do, I'm always one
step ahead...
Bruce comes up behind Winston, taps him on the shoulder.
Winston is startled.
WINSTON
Whoa, Bruce! ...I saw you coming.
Winston picks up his tray, heads toward the Cashier.
BRUCE
Easy, Winston. You know, this thing
between us is getting out of hand. I
play a trick on you, you try to get
me back. The anger we're building up
could scar us for life. --Here, let
me get that.
Bruce pays the Cashier. Now Winston's really puzzled.
Bruce walks Winston toward the Jock table.
BRUCE
(continues)
--As I was saying, we should try to
live together peacefully, lion beside
lamb--
WINSTON
You're the lamb.
BRUCE
Fine, I'm the lamb. So how about it?
Truce?
WINSTON
...Okay, Bruce. Truce.
Bruce and Winston shake hands. Bruce presents Winston
with the open space on the bench. Winston sits, Bruce
sits opposite him. The jocks suppress chuckles.
BRUCE
(smiles)
This is nice. Can you feel the love?
The Jocks ad-lib assent. A pretty GIRL walks by, smiles
at Winston.
GIRL
Hi Bruce. Hi Winston...
The Jocks ad-lib greetings. Winston watches the Girl
walk off.
BRUCE
Whoa, Eggman. She wants you.
WINSTON
You think?
BRUCE
Shhyeah! Let's go talk to her...
Bruce gets up. Winston tries to stand but he's firmly
cemented to the bench. The Jocks BUST OUT in LAUGHTER.
BRUCE
What's the matter, egg-head? Butt
too heavy?
(pulls out Krazy Glue bottle)
Oh, gee, empty?? I must've spilled
it all over the bench. I'm REALLY
sorry, egg-head.
Bruce and the jocks LAUGH and walk off. Winston calls
after them.
WINSTON
I'll get you, Patman!
The BELL RINGS. Students head out of the cafeteria.
Passing Students GIGGLE and point as Winston tries vainly
to free himself from the bench. Principal Cooper passes.
MR. COOPER
Egbert! Stop that horseplay and get
to class!
The Cafeteria is almost empty. Winston tries to pull
himself free one last time. No use. He looks around,
then undoes his pants. Winston wriggles his way out of
them, stands, his spindly legs poking out from Winnie -
The-Pooh-print boxers.
Just then, a large group of students enters. HOWLS of
LAUGHTER. Winston turns beet-red, RUNS from the room.
CUT TO:
INT. ORACLE OFFICE - DAY
Bronzed hunk RUSS FRANKLIN, with hair just long enough to
be dangerous, stacks video gear onto an AV cart. Jessica
enters. She appreciatively watches Russ' muscular body
strain against his tight clothes as he bends to place
gear onto the cart. Russ notices her.
RUSS
Can I help you?
JESSICA
You already are ...
Russ smiles, holds his hand out to Jessica.
RUSS
Russ Franklin. A. V. Guy.
Jess takes Russ' hand to shake it. Russ kisses the back
of her hand.
JESSICA
Jessica Wakefield. Mind if I check
out some of your equipment?
INT. HALLWAY - TRACKING
Russ pushes the cart down the student-filled hall.
Jessica walks with him.
JESSICA
...Communications major at Valley
College, huh? That must be a really
tough program.
RUSS
Not really.
JESSICA
Oh, don't be modest.
RUSS
(smiles)
Okay... It's tougher than brain
surgery, and I'm the best student in
the state!
Jessica laughs. Russ pushes the cart into...
INT. TV STUDIO -- MACHINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
once a large meeting room, the space has been partitioned
into three sections: Machine Room, Control Room, and
Studio Floor Area.
Russ shows Jessica the Machine Room, a small room tightly
packed with VCRS, Monitors, and Modulators.
RUSS
This is the nerve center I was
telling you about. Cables run from
here to every classroom on campus.
JESSICA
Impressive. You hook all this stuff
up yourself?
RUSS
It's all working, too. Though I
can't figure out what's causing that
smell ...
JESSICA
Cigarettes. This used to be a
teacher's lounge.
Russ nods knowingly.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE STUDIO
Jess emerges with a camcorder case, Russ pushes the cart
out of the Studio, locks up. The class BELL RINGS.
RUSS
... And don't worry about the camera.
You're only supposed to have it two
days, but YOU can keep it as long as
you want.
JESSICA
Thanks. You're my hero.
RUSS
(exiting)
No sweat. Good luck on your tape.
Maybe we'll be working together.
Russ smiles and exits. Jessica watches him go, smiling.
She walks off, passing the Boy's Room before she exits.
The door to the Boy's Room opens, Winston pokes his head
out.
Winston, wearing sweatpants, emerges from the bathroom,
sneaks his way down the hall. Two chatting, smoking
Teachers approach. Winston ducks into a stairwell as
they pass, then exits through a set of double doors to...
EXT. SVH -- STUDENT PARKING LOT - DAY
Parked next to the building, in the handicapped space, is
Bruce's beautiful black Porsche. Winston hurries toward
it.
ANGLE -- CLOSE BESIDE BRUCE'S PORSCHE
Winston kneels beside the rear tire.
WINSTON
You asked for it, Patman...
Winston TEARS open a small cellophane packet with his
teeth. And out of the packet, he pulls ...
A plastic knife. Winston JABS the knife into the tire,
but the knife SNAPS. Winston looks at the broken end in
his hand, throws it down. He pulls the spoon-fork
combination from the packet, starts to jab the tire with
it, then stops.
Winston unscrews the cap from the tire's filling stem,
uses the plastic implement to push down the valve inside.
WINSTON
Saved by the spork...
Air HISSES out of the tire.
BRUCE (O.S.)
...then the Club groundskeeper has
the nerve to tell me to replace my
own divots! Like I'M going to get MY
hands dirty...
Winston hears Bruce, looks around the back of the car to
see Bruce and hulking MARCO approach. Winston ducks
back, looks for a means of escape, but he's trapped
against a wall.
ANGLE -- BRUCE AND MARCO
Bruce and Marco close on the car. Bruce rounds his car,
looks down to see...
The plastic flatware packet. He picks it up, shows it to
Marco.
BRUCE
Can you believe people would litter
in a beautiful place like Sweet
Valley? It's sick.
Bruce tosses the packet back to the ground.
ANGLE -- THE GROUND
The packet flutters to the ground. Behind it, hiding
under Bruce's car, is Winston. He holds his breath.
Bruce gets into the car, it sinks lower onto its
suspension. Winston tries to make himself even flatter.
Then Marco hops in. The car bounces down against
Winston. He stifles a groan.
BRUCE(O.S.)
Tires must be low...
Bruce STARTS THE CAR. A look of terror come over
Winston's face.
IN THE CAR
Marco appreciates the ENGINE'S ROAR as Bruce guns it,
shifts into reverse.
UNDER THE CAR
Winston says his prayers.
WIDER
Bruce backs the car out of the space, revealing an oil
stained, but otherwise uninjured Winston. Bruce PEELS
OUT of the parking lot.
Winston breathes a sigh of relief, sits up. He looks
ruefully at the spork in his hand, tosses it away. SOUND
of an approaching car.
STUDENT (O.S.)
Look! A parking space!
CUT TO:
VIDEOTAPE MONTAGE:
A series of segments from the Students' audition tapes.
Those slugged as 'S TAPE, are treated Video-Camera
POV. All feature the students sitting at desks of some
sort unless otherwise indicated.
INT. CLASSROOM -- ELIZABETH'S TAPE
Elizabeth sits before a neutral background. Her attire
and demeanor are consummately professional.
ELIZABETH
Good morning, Sweet Valley...
INT. LIBRARY -- MARTIN'S TAPE
A deep-voiced student in a suit (MARTIN) sits before a
world map.
MARTIN
Good morning Sweet Valley...
INT. BRUCE'S BEDROOM -- BRUCE'S TAPE
Bruce sits before a picture of himself.
BRUCE
Greetings fellow Gladiators.
INT. FOWLER CREST -- JESSICA'S TAPE
Jessica looks more like a model than a newscaster.
JESSICA
Yo, Sweet Valley High! ... No, too
street. Lila, start it again--
SNOW, WHITE NOISE, then:
Jessica now has her hair pulled back.
JESSICA
(overly bright)
Hi Sweet Valley High!
LILA (O.S.)
Ack! Perk alert!
JESSICA
You're right.
(beat, then melodramatic)
Heelllo there, Sweet Valley High...
ELIZABETH'S TAPE
Elizabeth is clearly more comfortable than her sister.
ELIZABETH
Here's the news you need to know...
INT. FOWLER CREST -- LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jessica works the camcorder, Lila sits behind an ornate
desk, in a sequined dress, hair perfect. The Camcorder
feeds a nearby BigScreen TV. Lila can't take her eyes
off her image.
LILA
Zoom in.
Jess rolls her eyes, complies. Lila's face now fills the
BigScreen. Lila watches herself, flutters her eyelids,
licks her lips, obviously in love with her image.
JESSICA
I don't think this will get you on
the news show.
LILA
You kidding? Even Mr. Collins can
see Sweet Valley desperately needs my
fashion help. ...And if not, Daddy
will buy me my own cable network.
INT. TODD'S HOUSE -- TODD'S TAPE
We see hands reaching into camera. They pull away,
revealing Todd. He looks into camera, as he backs toward
an unseen chair. He sits, dropping so low, only his
forehead remains in shot.
TODD (O.S.)
Todd Wilkins here, with Gladiator
Sports ...
ELIZABETH'S TAPE
Elizabeth continues, smooth as silk.
ELIZABETH
...ending a twelve hour standoff and
rescuing all inside ...
INT. CLASSROOM -- WINSTON'S TAPE
Winston, wearing a loud jacket and bow tie, stands before
a blackboard map of the school. Colored weather markings
are drawn on it.
WINSTON
... we'll have partial showers in the
Boy's Locker room, tapering off to
general mustiness in the Gym...
BRUCE'S TAPE
Bruce now rants like Rush Limbaugh.
BRUCE
I'll tell you the problem! Some
PEOPLE have forgotten the meaning of
SWEET VALLEY!
JESSICA'S TAPE
Jessica struggles through her piece. A stray wisp of
hair hangs before her face, tickling her mouth. Jess
pulls it aside, it falls back down.
JESSICA
And they, um...
(blows at hair)
They...
(blows again)
Darn this hair!
ELIZABETH'S TAPE
ELIZABETH
And that's the news you need to know.
Good luck and good day...
CUT TO:
INT. WAKEFIELD KITCHEN - NIGHT
Elizabeth is preparing dinner. Jessica enters.
JESSICA
So, how did your tape come out?
ELIZABETH
Pretty good I think. Want to see it?
INT. LIVING ROOM - SAME
Elizabeth hits "PLAY" on the family VCR. Her image comes
on the screen.
ELIZABETH
Good morning, Sweet Valley...
Jessica's heart sinks as she watches Liz's thoroughly
professional performance. The tape ends, Elizabeth
ejects it.
ELIZABETH
Let's see yours.
JESSICA
...I'd better not. I wouldn't want
to show you up.
ELIZABETH
Since when?
JESSICA
Trust me, Liz. I'm just trying to
spare your feelings.
Elizabeth rolls her eyes, sets her tape atop the TV and
exits. Jess looks at Liz's tape, then her own. She
scowls. Then, an idea comes to Jessica. It's bad, it's
EVIL. Jess can't help but smile.
CUT TO:
INT. ORACLE OFFICE - DAY
Collins watches tapes with Russ who takes notes. On the
monitor, Bruce finishes up.
BRUCE (ON TV)
And THAT, dear friends, is the Patman
Perspective. For a transcript--
Collins stops the tape.
RUSS
Talk about pompous ...
COLLINS
You said it. But every news team
needs a blowhard.
Collins grabs another tape.
COLLINS
Ah, Elizabeth's tape. This should be
good.
Collins puts it into the VCR, starts it. But it's not
Liz's tape. It shows Jessica struggling with her hair.
JESSICA
And they, um...
(blows at hair)
They...
(blows again)
Darn this hair!
COLLINS
(stunned)
I can't believe it, I was counting on
her. Let's see how Jessica did...
Collins pops a tape labeled "JESSICA WAKEFIELD AUDITION
TAPE" into the VCR, starts it...
The monitor comes back to life, and we recognize the
video as Elizabeth's tape. Collins is struck by its
smooth professionalism. Russ is smitten for other
reasons.
COLLINS
(nodding)
Now there's a pro...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ORACLE OFFICE - DAY
A clutch of expectant Students. Jessica and Lila stand
next to Elizabeth and Todd. Enid and Winston are nearby.
JESSICA
The suspense is killing me.
ENID
Aren't you nervous, Winston?
WINSTON
I don't care about me. But if Patman
gets on, I'll die.
Russ emerges from the oracle office, posts the list. The
Students descend on him like vultures on a kill. Russ
wriggles free as Bruce forces his way to the front.
BRUCE
(thrusts his fist in the air)
Editorial! The Pat-man does it
again!
WINSTON
(outraged)
Is there no justice???
Bruce joins his Jock buddies, they exchange hi-fives.
Jessica and Lila make their way to the fore.
JESSICA
Yes! I got anchor! Read it and
weep, Lila!
LILA
Weep? When MY Fashion Forecast is
going to steal the show? People will
be dying to know: pastels and
ruffles in Spring? Or sleek lines
and ecru? Only Lila knows ...
JESSICA
It's okay, Lila. When I'm hosting
Nightline, I'll remember the little
people like you I trampled to get
there ...
Elizabeth scans the list, her name is nowhere to be seen.
She can hardly believe it.
ELIZABETH
Jessica and Lila get on and I
didn't?? There must be some mistake.
TODD
It's got to be. Ask Collins.
Mr. Collins emerges from the Oracle office.
COLLINS
Everybody quiet down! Jessica,
Martin, Lisa, and Bruce. Come get
your story assignments.
Bruce, Martin, and Lisa grab their stories. As Jess
picks hers up:
COLLINS
You did an excellent job, Jessica.
JESSICA
I was good, wasn't I?
She spots Russ, joins him.
COLLINS
Those who didn't get Talent
positions, there's still room on the
crew. Talk to Patty.
Winston and other Students flock to Patty.
COLLINS
I want everyone in the Studio
tomorrow morning by eight. Talent,
have your copy ready so I can approve
it before we go live at nine.
Collins heads back into the oracle office.
ANGLE -- JESSICA AND RUSS
JESSICA
So, it looks like we'll be working
together. Maybe you could give me a
hand with my stories. ...Or maybe
both hands.
They smile at each other and walk off.
INT. ORACLE OFFICE - SAME
Collins files some papers. Elizabeth enters.
ELIZABETH
Mr. Collins, I was looking at the
list and... I didn't get any
position at all?
COOPER
There's still room on the crew...
ELIZABETH
Yeah I know, but... --I thought my
tape was really great.
Collins has a hard time looking Liz in the eye.
COLLINS
Elizabeth, I don't know what to say.
I expected more from you.
Collins returns to his filing. Elizabeth is crushed.
CUT TO:
INT. DAIRI BURGER - NIGHT
Todd joins a down Elizabeth at a booth.
ELIZABETH
How was the crew meeting?
TODD
Fine. But Patty's tripping a little
on this director business.
ANGLE -- AT COUNTER
Winston, Enid, and other members of the crew sit at the
counter. Patty THWACKS a riding crop against the
counter.
PATTY
People, PLEASE!
ANGLE ELIZABETH AND TODD'S BOOTH
TODD
How are you doing?
ELIZABETH
I don't know. I really I thought it
was some of my best work, and Collins
acted like it was nothing.
TODD
Hey, you're still the Oracle's star
writer. No one can take that away
from you.
ELIZABETH
Thanks, Todd. It seems you and I are
the only people who care about
substance anymore...
HUB-BUB from another part of the Dairi Burger. Elizabeth
and Todd turn to look.
ANGLE -- FRONT DOOR
Jessica enters on the arm of Russ, who looks particularly
delicious in his muscle shirt.
Jess exchanges greetings and laughter with the various
SVH students as she leads Russ to Todd and Elizabeth's
booth.
JESSICA
Hi Lizzie. Have you met Russ?
ELIZABETH
Hi Jessica. Yes, I have.
JESSICA
(smiles)
Well, just wanted to say hi. Don't
forget to watch me tomorrow.
Jessica and Russ sit at a nearby booth. Elizabeth turns
to Todd.
ELIZABETH
Is it wrong to be jealous?
TODD
In this case, I think it's required.
Elizabeth tries to finish her fries, but can't.
ELIZABETH
I'd better get home. I feel a murder
coming on.
Todd puts his arm around Liz, walks her to the door,
opens it for her. She takes one last look at Jess before
exiting. Todd follows her out.
ANGLE -- JESSICA AND RUSS' BOOTH
Lila plops herself down beside Russ.
LILA
(sniffs)
Mmmmmm. College man...
(squeezes Russ' muscular arm)
I'm Lila. which Greek god are you?
Russ recoils. Jess glares at Lila.
JESSICA
Lila. Russ and I are trying to talk.
LILA
Russ, is it? Rrrrrruss. Sounds kind
of like an ANIMAL, doesn't it?
Jessica kicks Lila under the table. Lila stifles a YELP,
looks at Jessica.
JESSICA
Your nose is shiny.
LILA
It is?? It is not! Is it?
(stands)
If you're lying...
(to Russ)
Back in a flash...
Lila rushes off to the Ladies' Room.
JESSICA
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...
RUSS
Well, there's a Warhol movie at the
campus theater tonight--
JESSICA
Really? They made a movie of that
show with William Shatner?
RUSS
That's Tek War. Warhol's the painter
who did the soup cans ... ?
JESSICA
...oh right, I love him!
Jessica takes Russ' arm. She waves like a Beauty Queen
as she passes her friends and exits.
ANGLE -- COUNTER
Patty continues talking to her crew. Winston is fixated
on Bruce, who celebrates at a booth across the diner with
his Jock buds.
PATTY
...and I'll want a medium speed crawl
for the credits. Hello, Winston?
You in this time zone?
Winston sees Bruce go into the Men's Room.
WINSTON
Hmm? Oh, sorry. Nature's calling.
Collect.
Winston hurries toward the Men's Room.
ENID
Why did he take a camera?
INT. DAIRI BURGER BATHROOM
Winston enters, looks under the toilet stalls. He sees
Bruce's Italian loafers. Winston stands before the
stall, aims the Camcorder.
WINSTON
(quietly)
Okay Patman. Let's see how you like
the whole school seeing you without
pants ...
The door to the bathroom opens. Winston quickly stands
at a urinal, hides the camera, and whistles. Behind him,
we see Bruce exit the stall, then the bathroom, and a man
in dark clothes take his place in the toilet stall.
Winston peeks back, sees the door to the bathroom shut.
Winston sets the Camcorder to record. He gets in front
of the stall, aims the camera, then:
WINSTON
(kicking stall open)
Surprise!!
VOICE(O.S.)
What the--???
WINSTON
(swallows hard)
--officer O'Malley...
CUT TO:
INT. ELIZABETH'S ROOM - MORNING
Elizabeth is in bed, fast asleep. Jessica enters in a
panic, shakes her.
JESSICA
Liz! Wake up! You've got to help me
with my stories!
ELIZABETH
Your stories? Don't tell me you
didn't write them--
JESSICA
Of course I wrote them!
Elizabeth rolls over to go back to sleep.
JESSICA
...okay, so maybe I didn't write them.
ELIZABETH
(rolls back over)
Jess!
JESSICA
It's not my fault! I didn't get in
until three. How was I supposed to
know a movie called "Sleep" would be
eight hours of a guy lying there
sleeping?
ELIZABETH
Why didn't you just walk out?
JESSICA
And miss something? Liz, please.
Look, here's a pen--
ELIZABETH
Why can't you do it?
JESSICA
I have to put on my makeup.
ELIZABETH
You've got two hours!
JESSICA
I know it'll be tight. But I can
skip exfoliating.
ELIZABETH
Sorry, Jess. It's your assignment.
You'll have to do it yourself.
JESSICA
...Oh, I get it. You wanted the
anchor job for yourself and this is
your way of getting back at me.
You'd let your own sister go down in
flames just to satisfy your petty
jealousy.
Jessica looks accusingly at Elizabeth. Elizabeth can't
deny the grain of truth in Jessica's manipulation.
ELIZABETH
...Alright. But this is the last
time I bail you out.
JESSICA
(hugs Liz)
You're the greatest! And afterward,
I'll tell Collins you wrote the
stories. He'll see how good you are,
and he'll let you write for the show.
We can be a team!
Liz glares at Jessica as she exits. Elizabeth sighs ...
CUT TO:
INT. ORACLE OFFICE - EARLY MORNING
Elizabeth gets up from the computer, crosses to the
WHIRRING printer. She sees the stack of audition video
cassettes. Elizabeth picks hers up, looks at it, tosses
it into the wastebasket. She spies Jessica's tape.
Elizabeth pops the tape into the VCR. The monitor above
CRACKLES to life, plays a segment of Elizabeth's audition
tape. Puzzled, Liz pulls the tape from the wastebasket-
sure enough, it says "Elizabeth Wakefield.,,
Then the ugly truth hits her. Elizabeth's eyes narrow...
CUT TO:
INT. TV STUDIO -- MACHINE ROOM - MORNING
The place is a madhouse as Students prepare for the
broadcast. Jessica waits anxiously at the door, eyes
peeled for Liz. She grabs a passing Student.
JESSICA
Have you seen Elizabeth?
The Student shakes his head.
COLLINS
(entering)
Ten minutes, people!
(to Jessica)
Jessica, I need to proof your copy.
JESSICA
Sorry, Mr. C. That irresponsible Liz
is still Xeroxing.
INT. CONTROL ROOM - SAME
Patty sits at the Switcher, wearing a headset. She
checks the monitor feeds from Cameras One and Two.
PATTY
...okay, looks good, Camera One. Camera
Two, zoom out. ...Camera Two?
Hello, Camera Two? That's you, Todd.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR
Todd, behind Camera Two, wakes up.
TODD
(springs to life)
...oh, sorry.
INT. MACHINE ROOM - BY DOOR
Jessica paces. Elizabeth enters.
JESSICA
Elizabeth! I knew you'd make it.
Where are the stories?
Elizabeth hands Jessica some papers. Jess looks them
over, puzzled.
JESSICA
These are blank...
ELIZABETH
They are? Silly me. I must've
inadvertently exchanged the stories I
wrote with the ones you wrote.
JESSICA
Is there supposed to be some kind of
irony going on here?
ELIZABETH
How can you stand there and pretend
you don't know what I'm talking
about???
JESSICA
Practice?
ELIZABETH
You knew how much work I put in, you
knew how much I wanted to be anchor!
And still you switched tapes just so
you could get the job!
PATTY(O.S.)
Fifteen Seconds! Where's Jessica?
JESSICA
...okay, okay. I admit it. It was
dishonest, selfish, and inexcusable.
Now, if I can just have the stories--
COLLINS
(enters)
What's going on here?
ELIZABETH
It's about my tape--
COLLINS
I told you, Elizabeth, my decision is
final. Now stop interfering and let
Jessica get to work.
Collins herds Jessica into...
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Collins opens the door to the Studio Floor.
JESSICA
But the stories--
COLLINS
No time to proof them now; I'll just
have to trust you. Now go! We're
LIVE, remember?
Collins pushes Jess into...
INT. STUDIO FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
Jessica scrambles to take her place behind the News desk.
PATTY(V.0.)
Four, three, two ...
The Floor Director points to Jessica as Camera One's
tally LIGHTS. Jess freezes like a deer in its glare.
She manages a smile.
JESSICA
Hi ... I'm Jessica Fakewield--
Wakefield-- with the oracle On Air
News ... So... Here we are. Our
first live broadcast... Yep. Live.
No editing to save our butts, no sir.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Patty, Collins, and Winston.
PATTY
This doesn't look good...
Elizabeth enters, looks at the monitors. Collins looks
to her. She shrugs.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR
Jessica's starting to sweat. The Floor Director gives
her a "HURRY UP" sign.
JESSICA
Oh! The news. Yes, well, a lot has
happened this last week. Bunches ...
(forces a smile)
Why there's so much going on, you
just can't keep track. Heh...
(smile drops)
...Yep, a whole lotta news.
(beat)
And now, with the details, my sister
Elizabeth. Elizabeth...
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Collins looks to Elizabeth. He's obviously figured out
what happened.
COLLINS
I should have known. Now go get
'em...
Collins pushes Elizabeth into...
INT. STUDIO FLOOR
Elizabeth assumes a professional demeanor as she walks
behind the news desk. Jessica stands to let Elizabeth
take her place.
ELIZABETH
Thank you, Jessica.
JESSICA
Anytime ...
Jessica exits. Elizabeth looks into camera.
ELIZABETH
Good morning Sweet Valley. Here's
the news you need to know...
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
We HEAR Elizabeth continue with her report as Jess enters
and quietly shuts the door to the stage. Collins comes
up to her.
COLLINS
We should talk...
Jessica swallows hard.
INT. CONTROL ROOM - SAME
The Program Monitor shows Elizabeth, but the text below
her still reads "Jessica." Patty calls to Winston.
PATTY
Winston. The graphic still says
"Jessica." Type in a new card for
Elizabeth.
WINSTON
By your command ...
Winston sits at the Character Generator, types. At the
Switcher, Patty takes the new text.
PATTY
Perfect.
(into headset)
You're up next, Bruce.
WINSTON
(grumbling)
Bruce ...
Winston glares at Bruce through the window. A light goes
on in Winston's head. He re-patches some cables, types
into the character generator.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR - SAME
Elizabeth finishes up.
ELIZABETH
...And now, with his take on the
news, Bruce Patman.
Camera Two's tally light goes on, Camera One's goes out.
BRUCE
Thank you Jess-- I mean Elizabeth.
Hello fellow Gladiators. As if you
didn't know, I'm Bruce Patman. And
this is the Patman Perspective...
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Bruce's face fills the program monitor.
PATTY
Where's his card?
WINSTON
Coming right up...
Winston smiles, punches a button. "The Patman
Perspective" appears below Bruce's face. Then the text
starts moving, revealing ...
TEXT SCROLL
See how my nostrils flare when I
talk?
PATTY
Winston...
(punches buttons, to no effect)
Winston!
INT. STUDIO FLOOR
Bruce continues his commentary. Jessica kneels beside
Elizabeth.
JESSICA
Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. I know that
what I did was really low--
ELIZABETH
What did Collins say?
JESSICA
I have to talk to the Principal.
Elizabeth looks back down at her copy.
ELIZABETH
Can't say you don't deserve it...
JESSICA
Don't be mad. This is the first time
you didn't let me walk all over you
and get away with it. You finally
stood up to me. And the only reason
you did is because I behaved so
awfully.
ELIZABETH
You're saying I should be thankful?
JESSICA
Yes ...
Jessica ventures a smile.
ELIZABETH
(a beat, then smiles)
You're a nightmare.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
on the monitor, Bruce continues obliviously as text
continues to scroll under him. Patty struggles to pull
Winston away from the character generator.
BRUCE (ON MONITOR)
...well I don't care what people
think! America is beautiful! I
love America! And to those who
don't, I say love her or leave her!
TEXT SCROLL
America is the name of my sheep...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
CREDIT TAG
FADE IN:
INT. HALLWAY
Bruce walks along the hall. Students point and GIGGLE
behind his back. Bruce is puzzled. Marco accosts him.
MARCO
Oh man, Bruce. You were great today!
Those jokes running under your
editorial were a howl!
BRUCE
Jokes?
MARCO
Dude, come on! America's the name of
your sheep?
(laughs)
That's funny stuff!
BRUCE
(covering)
--Well, of course. I wrote it.
Bruce looks around, spots Winston LAUGHING with Enid.
Winston smiles, waves. Bruce is livid.
BRUCE
Egbert!!!
Winston dashes off. Bruce runs after him.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR - DAY
Winston locks himself in the control room. Bruce enters,
POUNDS on the glass.
BRUCE
You're history, egg-head!
Through the glass, Winston laughs at Bruce.
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW